Using A Male Chastity Device
For the past several months, I've hosted an IRC chat room entitled #MaleChastityDevices. Many opinions and fantasies are voiced there. Several misconceptions are shared as well. My intent in writing this article is to share my views on turning the chastity fantasy into reality within the realm of Lifestyle D/s, as well as to detail my personal preferences for the use of such devices. Once again, the opinions here are not presented as the end-all, know-all of chastity devices. They're just my (not so) humble opinion, having grown from my interests and experiences in this area. Your mileage may vary :)
- The Chastity Fantasy -
In my article, Adding D/s To Your Relationship, I address the 'gift of orgasm' as an adjunct to the submission to your significant other. There is no question that placing the control of your pleasure solely into the hands of your partner; refraining from orgasm for as long as your partner chooses, without complaint, is a pure act of submission.
It may seem logical that the use of a chastity device would be a natural extension of the submissive act. However, I've been examining the fantasies shared in my IRC channel and on wonderful web sites such as Altairboy's, and have a few observations. They generally have common themes, usually revolving around the attachment of a device (voluntarily, coerced, or forced) and the use of the device over extended periods of time (I've seen stories of up to 5 years - with 'milking'). Often the 'victim' is cuckolded; forced to watch his partner have sex with others while he has no hope of relief. The man often requests or feels he deserves the treatment (he has been unfaithful, can't control his masturbation, etc.) and, almost unanimously, the man becomes a better helper, more attentive, more caring, etc. In short, thanks to this device and his partner's control of his testosterone level, he suddenly becomes submissive. There are even web sites, supposedly written by and dedicated to women, to educate us on the benefits of keeping our men in chastity devices (I suspect these web sites are written by men in the hopes that their wives might read them...but I have no proof of that).
If you've read my articles, you probably already know my opinion on these fantasies. They make great fantasies for playtime or as treats, but they have nothing to do with submission. The fact is, a truly submissive man will retain his chastity without such a device AND he will work hard to avoid letting his testosterone level effect his performance as a submissive.
The dominant woman should expect all the 'benefits' without needing to resort to the use of artificial or physical means of 'enforcement'. So where does the use of a chastity device fit into a lifestyle D/s relationship?
- Using The Devices -
The use of a chastity device triggers all of the male-centric, 'do me while I'm helpless' sensations. I therefore put them in the category of Treats and Playtime. Personally, I do not use a device to enforce chastity directly, nor do I expect better performance from my submissives due to their usage. However, there are effects the devices have on a man which can be utilized to heighten our mutual enjoyment of playtime.
Additional Physical Control
There are features of chastity devices, which introduce elements of control beyond mental discipline. For one, most chastity devices physically limit the amount of erection a man is able to have. Men have described the sensation of not being able to get fully erect as "Maddening"...I like to hear that word! Some devices prevent any touching of the penis or scrotum at all. Most devices force the man to urinate sitting down, again limiting their freedom outside the D/s relationship. Men also have mentioned the 'continual reminder' effect of having the device facilitate their partner's physical controlling of their genitals, even when they're apart.
Tease, Tease, and Then, Tease Some More - It's all in fun
From the moment the device goes onto the man to the moment I take it off, my goal is to make him feel the effects of the device...deeply. It starts right from the click of the lock. Law enforcement officers will tell you, the most dangerous moment, when apprehending a criminal, is between the application of the first and second handcuff. There is no denying that there is a strong mental impact on a man when the lock clicks and he knows there is no turning back. It's the same with a chastity device. No matter how much self-discipline the sub has mastered, the physical reality of a device will shock his system. So use this moment to gently enforce his vulnerability. I make sure the lock makes a nice loud click, I pat the device once it's closed, squeeze his balls a little (depending on the device and whether or not I can touch them). I'll say something cute like, "there now...no more erections for you...", or , "No telling HOW long we'll keep it on this time". Sometimes, I'll have him kneel deeply with his hands behind his back, then put my foot under the device and tap it from the bottom with my toes while lightly slapping his face from side to side while he thanks me for using the device. Always playful, but always playing on the impact of the moment.
Often my next step will be for me. I'll have him give me a long massage, prepare a bath for me, and brush my hair. I know the device-limited erection he initially has will eventually subside during these kinds of activities and that's ok, the objective for me is to repeatedly ride him up and down the excitement curve. Over the period of time he spends in the device (my longest playtime with my hubby in a device without a break was a little shy of 3 weeks), I will play with his fantasies and fetishes. I will bring his erection in contact with its' confinement over and over again. For my hubby that means repeated contact with the smell of leather, my feet, my shoes, and me! :)
Many women don't realize the power of words - both the ones that you say and those which the submissive says. Enjoy teasing him verbally; mock his situation. Make sure he thanks you for giving him this treat. Make sure he suggests ways in which you can frustrate him more! :) Tapping the device is always very effective...in many cases, it's the only stimulation he may be able to get!
WARNING: Don't Lose Sight Of True Submission
This has the danger of becoming a 3 week long 'session'. Remember, it's playtime and it's a treat (which lasts longer than what you might normally give a sub). DO NOT lose site of what it really is. It's additional work for you. If, during the course of the time he spends in the device, you don't feel up to teasing him, DON'T!
His responsibilities as a submissive are not on hold during this time either. He is still required to strive to anticipate your needs and make your life easier. Just because you're treating him doesn't mean he shouldn't be a good submissive.
If you feel he has strayed from his vows of submission or is trying to goad you into teasing him when you don't want to, take the device off of him and playtime is over. (see the Power of Irony)
Sometimes, when he retains the correct intent, you may start to feel that he is equating his submission to the device and placing too much importance on it. If this happens, don't worry about it. Let him enjoy his fantasy. It will end when you choose and he will be right back better than ever.
Without question, you can control the sexuality of your submissive without the use of a chastity device. In fact, it is better for your sub to learn the self-discipline required long before he wears a chastity device. However, for playtime, treats and just plain old fun, there are few things which beat the pleasure repeated cyclical tormenting and teasing of a man in a chastity device can provide!
I have used both the Tollyboy style and, recently, the CB-2000 devices on my subs. If you'd like to share your experiences or inquire about mine, feel free to email me at the address below.
For more information on Chastity Devices, check out these web sites:
Altairboy -- The foremost authority!
CB-2000 -- I'm still working with this device and will report more as my experience increases.
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