"There are times when fear is good. It must keep its
watchful place at the heart's controls.
There is advantage in the wisdom won from pain."
One simple word, yet filled with complexity. One may ask themselves several questions. Is it physical, emotional or the blend of both causing an intellectual fear? Or perhaps it is just the unknown. There are so many factors and fixtures ~ the simple little word ~ becomes a mesh of complexity and undefinable objections.
As a child fears the darkness ~ a submissive fears the empty void a Master may create. Being left on her own to remember His teachings and guiding ways ~ though she has been trained well, the solitude is creates a void. Within this void the manifestation of fear begins.
She begins to doubt herself, her abilities, perhaps even her worth.
She continues to struggle to remain focused. She fights with the
inner conflicts raging within herself. So desperately trying to please, and obey, yet consumed with fear. The loneliness grows ~ the darkness seems cold and empty ~ there is a deafening silence that rings in her ears.
She guards what is left of the soul she possesses. For it is the last of what she calls her own. The walls are thick, high, and strong, harboring her emotions. The fear of displaying her weaknesses, the fear of appearing vulnerable, the fear of becoming dependent, the fear of solitude.
One may drown themselves in work and family life in order to displace fear. But at the end of the day, when all the world is quiet and her head rests upon her pillow, she listens to her beating heart, the silence is again deafening as she replays the day's events, tears stream silently down her face. She is happy that no one sees them ~ For it is her fear of appearing less than perfect. She is raw, vulnerable ~
she is alone.
As she lays staring into the darkness, she has come to realize just what the fear is. It is not the physical pain of external forces, but the internal struggle for contentment. She tries to shake off the insecurities, the doubt and the questioning ~ she tries to focus in on all that she has been taught ~ yet she lies alone... in fear.
She grows angry at herself for being weak. This is a side of herself that even she dislikes. She has always been the strong one. The leader, the fixer, the tower of unwavering strength and compassion. As the night goes on, the mirror reflection of who she really is becomes clearer. She is saddened as she faces her biggest of all fears
© 1999 RubySteps
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