The Importance of Honesty
"If submission is not based on honesty, the dominant
cannot predict it's outcome. If he can't predict
the outcome, he's not domming."
"If the submission is not based on honesty the dominant cannot predict it's outcome. If he can't predict the outcome he's not on top. If he's not on top he's not domming. So - If D/s is not honest it's not happening."
In our explorations of pain we have failed a few times. Not that we didn't expect it to happen - shit happens everywhere, even when you're dealing with S/m. However - the scars are deeper in BDSM - few things in life are as nice as seeing my slave smile into my eyes through her tears after a rough session. But to see her cry when I didn't want her to Hurts!
Even worse - it limits my creativity in the future, because I simply hate to be caught by surprise - I want to be on top of what's going on - pain or pleasure I want to be in charge of it - so obviously I do all that I can to prevent failing - because I hate it!
One evening while my slave was at work, I planned a scene. I knew she'd probably be worn out from work, so I figured a good choice would be to tie her up in saran wrap - would be like forced relaxation. *g* So, when she got home that night I asked her how she felt, and she said "I'm okay, thank You Master". I told her to strip for me and stand fixed on the middle of the floor. Then I proceeded wrapping her in the wrap, and that's when I noticed she was crying. Tears were flooding down her cheeks. I stopped, hugged her and asked "what's wrong?". She told me she was simply worn out completely and just couldn't
The only thing that went wrong in that session was that she was not being honest about how she felt - had she told me exactly how she was feeling I would have adjusted to it - but since she didn't I just
went on with what I had planned.
Now, this example may seem to be pretty innocent. What's the big deal? Nothing bad happened, it's not like she was beaten for an hour while being gagged and not able to express herself. However, if you look at it from the inside it was more serious than it may have seemed to be. What would happen next time? I would have learned than even when she tells me that she is "doing okay" she may not be. I will limit myself and not go as far as I might have because she might not be as okay as she said. I would probably be less attracted to planning a scene while she was at work because I'd know that exploring S/M after work would be a minefield where her mood could change within seconds, etc.
The only thing that could prevent this from happening would be that I used this situation in a positive way: to teach her the importance of honesty once and for all.
So I told her to get the cane and she received a rough punishment. A harsh caning for not being honest about her mood - and no, she did not like it (at all)! It was not hot or erotic, it did not turn either of us on. It wasn't bdsm in the form that any of us wanted. BUT! It taught her to be honest about her moods and never ever compromise honesty - not even in an attempt to please me.
So what happened next? Since then, we have had some of our deepest scenes on similar occasions when she returned home from work at night. She may have be physically worn out but emotionally she is doing fine, and I never have to doubt her answers and thus I don't fail in predicting the outcome of my actions.
All in all : I am more attracted to being creative and evilly innovative - even when the conditions might not be the best - so we experience more BDSM, to a greater extent, reaching deeper levels, than we could ever come close to without honesty in its purest form.
© 2001 Cadabra
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