"Awareness - of who she is and what it will mean
to enter into a d/s relationship..."
Many times I've seen discussions on the theme of what makes an ideal submissive. I'm not sure I'd generalize as to what's attractive for all doms as this is highly individualized to personal taste, but for myself this is what I look for:
Attitude - as in how she approaches life. Is she confrontational, argumentative, or does she try to see other points of view? I live a quiet life so harmony is important to me. The world is full of wronged people and injustice. Rather than constantly complain about it I prefer someone who would look for the path to what could be, not suffer in martyrdom at what is.
Obedience - hey, I'm a control freak, what can I say? It is essential to me to know, without any doubt, that when it's important there will be no argument or defiance when I say it has to be done a certain way. There doesn't have to be agreement, but when talk is finished action follows my dictates. I will listen to objections and concerns, more often than not modify my decision based on her feedback, but final word is always mine, be it right or wrong.
Warmth - I'm not the emotional extrovert but that doesn't mean I want someone just like me. Instead I look for someone who has that special something that can make a man feel like he is the most important person in the world...at least to her. Warm, affectionate, understanding, sensitive, someone able to openly and outwardly express her own emotions but in such a way that it blends in with my own mood.
Trustworthy - I may take control of her life, but she gains access to my innermost thoughts and emotions, to where she can virtually read my mind. I have to know she will not turn that knowledge against me, no matter what may happen. It is arguable who becomes more vulnerable in an m-s relationship, but it certainly isn't one-sided.
Dependence - prevalent attitude says this is a "bad thing" as it leads to the dreaded co-dependence and abusive relationships. I'm sure it does happen, but the worst case is not every case. I expect and encourage her to depend on me. It is important for my own self-esteem that she look to me for her needs, and that I fulfill them. I realize this places a disproportionate burden of responsibility on my shoulders but I have learned from experience that I can handle the stress. It is part of what I give to her in return, a safe space free from worry, and a place where she can pass on her problems for someone else to solve.
Understanding - that I am not perfect, nor do I always make the right choice. I have my bad moods and off days. I try to find the best course of action based on available knowledge, but I make mistakes. I look for someone who appreciates my feet of clay and understands that when things go wrong I suffer far more than she does, even if it isn't obvious. I don't forget what I've done wrong, nor do I want to hear it repeated back to me again and again.
Awareness - of who she is and what it will mean to enter into a d/s relationship. My own ethics demand that I make sure she fully understands my intentions and expectations. I have to be convinced it is what she wants, for herself and not just to please me.
Adaptability - dominants by definition want it done their way. There can be no clash of immovable object and irresistible force, someone has to change. A submissive needs to be able to adapt to a new home and community, to recognize there will be changes.
Commitment - a willingness to do everything possible to make it work. Relationships are always difficult to sustain. Throw in a mix of D/s and it only gets more complicated. After that first rush of newfound romance wears off the work begins to ensure it endures the hardships and stresses that build up. I make the commitment to do whatever it takes, I expect the same.
Selfishness - this may not be obvious, but it's a necessity. She has an obligation to her master to make sure her own needs are being met. Submissives are highly sensitive to the emotions of everyone around them, to such an extent they take it for granted everyone else sees what is so obvious to them. Sadly it doesn't always work that way. There are times she has to make it known she wants attention; she can't always depend on her master to figure it out by himself.
© 2000 Jack Peacock
This article first published at D/s World
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